Spring Cleaning

Typically "Spring Cleaning" for me consists of going into the deep, dark recesses of closets, cupboards and drawers; giving it a good deep clean, determining what stays and what goes and re-organizing the contents when they are returned to the place they belong. Along with cleaning every corner of the home, top to bottom.
Well, since 98% of our belongings are in boxes stored in two different garages, "Spring Cleaning" doesn't quite look like that for me these days. I did go through the dressers and closets we have and re-organized them a little and sorted through the kids toys but that was done in about an hour.

Dan and his dad, Mark, started a discipleship ministry at our church called Frontline. It is all about equipping the next generation to take the baton, be ready to be on the offense, on the "frontlines" of this battle we are in. It has been amazing! Through this, God has been slowly exposing the deep dark corners of my heart in a LOT of different ways. It isn't as fun as cleaning out a closet most of the time. It hurts. But it's good. One of the challenges that has been resounding in my head and heart is being a good steward of my time, carefully selecting (and rejecting) my priorities, and seeking wisdom from God what my priorities and ministries really need to be. It sounds pretty basic, I know.

Sometimes as a pastors wife it is really easy to see a need in a ministry, person, activity, etc and just jump in to take care of it myself since the needs are great but the helping hands are few at times. Rarely do I step back and ask God if HE wants me to be the one to take care of the need. I just jump in and do it. I mean really, how hard is it to play with 2 year olds for an hour (just turn on the bubble machine and they are in HEAVEN for at least 45 minutes of that hour) or to set up a craft day for moms and their kids. Not hard at all. But when all of those seemingly small things start to pile up on my hours, days and weeks, it turns into hours at the computer e-mailing, re-formatting forms, coordinating events, researching activities, decorating Sunday school rooms, etc. Those "small things" have been robbing my kids of hours, days and weeks that I can't get back to give to them. Instead of playing tag in  the back yard and going on rollie pollie hunts I am stressing myself out over finding the right type of mulch for the church playground.

I'm not saying all of these "things" and ministries are not important and needed by any means. I am saying that God has really been convicting me of my priorities and schedule. He is showing me that "Spring Cleaning" needs to take place in my life, not my cupboards.

I need Him to go into the deep dark recesses of my heart, clean out all the cobwebs that busyness has allowed to gather where joy once resided. I need to look at the things I am "doing", determine what stays and what goes and re-organize the way I do those things before I put them back into my schedule.

I think the moment that hit me between the eyes was last week. I was rushing from thing to thing, trying to get all of the "things" checked off my to-do list. In the midst of that was my sweet Taylor girl asking her mommy if she would play with her, read a book to her, go watch her swing in the backyard, etc. I kept telling her "just a minute", getting more and more frustrated each time she interrupted me. Then she asked me in the sweetest voice tinged with a little hurt, "mommy, am I annoying?" I just wept and held her. Totally crushed at my own ugliness, showing my precious girl that these "things" were more important to me than she was at that moment. Not many things get by this girl. She felt the frustration in my voice at her requests. Suddenly repulsed by my "things" that I have allowed to rob my kids of quality time they need, I walked away from the computer and have not gone back. I wiped everything off my schedule and am currently praying for wisdom of what to allow back in and to what degree. In the mean time we have had a lot of rollie pollie hunting, tag, swinging, bubbles, baking, coloring, song singing, garden building and book reading. The level of joy in our house has multiplied exponentially. The kids responses to direction has even changed. Instead of responding with a huff and puff and the 'but why?' there has been more willingness for blind obedience, not always needing to know the 'why' but just doing it with a happy heart anyway.

This has all been such a HUGE reminder of the massive responsibility I have as mama not just to provide for their needs, bathe them, and say prayers with them at bed time. All of these "things" and ministries mean absolutely nothing in light of my joy and privilege it is to raise these kids up in the knowledge of Christ, to pour every minute of every day that I have into them because all too soon they won't be wanting to go hunt rollie pollies and dance in a whirlwind of bubbles with me.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes to my sin of busyness that I have allowed to take me from the most important ministry you have given me, being Mama to my precious Taylor and Cameron.